At the beginning of February my friend Brandy asked me to tell her 5 good and 5 bad things about my experience abroad to that point. Sitting in the train that just took me away from Rennes, bringing me one step closer to home, I can’t help but come back to that question.
Here’s what I told her in February:
Worsts (at that point I wasn’t feeling as nostalgic as I am now, so it was waaaay easier to start with bad)
Bests
Honestly, I had completely forgotten what my response was, and I’m really glad that I reread it. Looking back on my “Worsts”, yeah, some of those things couldn’t be resolved, like the time zone issue, but it got so much easier.
I got used to the little things that reminded me of home, and they stopped making me homesick.
Instead of going to the library to study, I started hanging out in a common room with other CIEE students, because (even though the caf was always hot as hell) there were always people I knew there, down to chat or study in the relative silence of the caf.
Yeah, I did lose a part of my way of life in going to just vegetarian, but I think I also learned about myself in the process. If anyone’s wondering, yes, I’m going back to vegan when I get home, but I don’t think I’ll be the same vegan I was before this trip, because I understand better now that this diet is not possible in many parts of the world, so I don’t hold myself as accountable for giving up on it as I did in February. I am still a determined animal rights activist, but I’ve gone back to wanting to be vegan more for the health benefits and the fact that my body feels better on a vegan diet.
I never felt as comfortable with my host family as I do when I live with my mom, but that’s an extremely unrealistic expectation because I grew up living with my mom, so obviously that’s something I know better than the back of my hand. Instead I learned the rhythms of my host fam, and I found a way to fit myself in to their family (and was accepted and welcomed by them). There will still awkward moments up until the end – mostly from language issues, but I now think of them kind of like an aunt, uncle, and cousins who I lived with for a while. That’s not a truly accurate description of the feeling, but I don’t know how to put the real feeling into words. In short, I am so thankful that I lived with the Coutards, and I’m going to miss them.
While French is still (and probably will always be) hard, I know that I improved oodles during this semester, no question.
Looking back at the “Bests”, they’re all still true. I’m really going to miss not knowing what new thing would come my way each day. I’m hoping that this is something I’ll be able to bring home with me, because the diversity in my activities from one day to the next is one of my favorite parts of my trip. I really recommend just going on a walk to a part of town you haven’t seen before, or trying out that new restaurant you’ve walked by 10 times, or challenging yourself to use a new word (in English, French, Spanish, Swedish, whatever you want). Do one new thing every day for a week, and see how it goes.
Now, I know this is already a really long post, but I’ve still got over an hour on this train, so I’m going to challenge myself to another set of 5s. This time, 5 things I will miss and 5 things I’m looking forward to at home. Right now I’m ignoring my emotions, so I don’t wanna think about everything I left in Rennes. I’ll start with things I’m looking forward to at home.
5 Things I’ll miss:
To those of you gave me money so that I could afford my trip, and to those of you who supported me through this process, thank you, thank you, thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you, and, looking back, this is one of, if not the most important semester of my life.
Thank you.
A la prochaine fois,
Evelyn
Here’s what I told her in February:
Worsts (at that point I wasn’t feeling as nostalgic as I am now, so it was waaaay easier to start with bad)
- Going beyond the obvious fact that I miss my friends and family, it’s also really hard to communicate with/be there for them. Some of my friends at home are going through really rough times, and I can’t give them the support I want to. That shit blows.
- I’m not a vegan anymore. While I sure as hell don’t mind eating delicious treats, I do kinda feel like I’m not really me here, because the real me is a proud vegan. Along with this, I really fucking miss salads, and wraps filled with salad. While the food is a far higher quality than that at SU, I miss being able to create my own meals.
- The little things that make me homesick. For example, the library here is super impersonal; I really miss SU’s.
- At least right now, I still don’t really feel comfortable in my host family’s house. Last night at dinner there was a moment when I was following along and participating, and everyone was having fun, and I felt like I fit in. But, that doesn’t mean there aren’t still plenty of awkward moments and many things about which I’m unsure.
- I’m worried that all the English that’s still in my life here will make it so that I don’t improve much in French. I know I need to buckle down and just French, but it’s hard and I wimp out a lot.
Bests
- I’ve developed an appreciation for a lot of things that I normally take for granted. For example: easy communication, peanut butter, making my own meals, SU’s class registration system, non-squeaky floors, being in the same time zone as the important people in my life, talking to my friends and family, classes in English, actually receiving syllabi, etc.
- Contrary to my fears, I know my French is improving and will continue to do so.
- The people here – CIEE folk, my host family, and other international students are all nice and interesting.
- Every day here I get to try something new – a new food, a new exploration, a new word. And I can’t really predict them – who knows what I’ll do tomorrow, or Monday, or beyond. Maybe I’ll just hang at home to do homework tomorrow, or I might go to a museum with my host parents, or even to a nearby town. This unpredictability is helping me to deal with my need to be in control (not a ton cuz it’s me, but still – I’m working on it)
- I’m trying something new and scary, and I’ve never done anything on this level before. I’m proud of myself.
Honestly, I had completely forgotten what my response was, and I’m really glad that I reread it. Looking back on my “Worsts”, yeah, some of those things couldn’t be resolved, like the time zone issue, but it got so much easier.
I got used to the little things that reminded me of home, and they stopped making me homesick.
Instead of going to the library to study, I started hanging out in a common room with other CIEE students, because (even though the caf was always hot as hell) there were always people I knew there, down to chat or study in the relative silence of the caf.
Yeah, I did lose a part of my way of life in going to just vegetarian, but I think I also learned about myself in the process. If anyone’s wondering, yes, I’m going back to vegan when I get home, but I don’t think I’ll be the same vegan I was before this trip, because I understand better now that this diet is not possible in many parts of the world, so I don’t hold myself as accountable for giving up on it as I did in February. I am still a determined animal rights activist, but I’ve gone back to wanting to be vegan more for the health benefits and the fact that my body feels better on a vegan diet.
I never felt as comfortable with my host family as I do when I live with my mom, but that’s an extremely unrealistic expectation because I grew up living with my mom, so obviously that’s something I know better than the back of my hand. Instead I learned the rhythms of my host fam, and I found a way to fit myself in to their family (and was accepted and welcomed by them). There will still awkward moments up until the end – mostly from language issues, but I now think of them kind of like an aunt, uncle, and cousins who I lived with for a while. That’s not a truly accurate description of the feeling, but I don’t know how to put the real feeling into words. In short, I am so thankful that I lived with the Coutards, and I’m going to miss them.
While French is still (and probably will always be) hard, I know that I improved oodles during this semester, no question.
Looking back at the “Bests”, they’re all still true. I’m really going to miss not knowing what new thing would come my way each day. I’m hoping that this is something I’ll be able to bring home with me, because the diversity in my activities from one day to the next is one of my favorite parts of my trip. I really recommend just going on a walk to a part of town you haven’t seen before, or trying out that new restaurant you’ve walked by 10 times, or challenging yourself to use a new word (in English, French, Spanish, Swedish, whatever you want). Do one new thing every day for a week, and see how it goes.
Now, I know this is already a really long post, but I’ve still got over an hour on this train, so I’m going to challenge myself to another set of 5s. This time, 5 things I will miss and 5 things I’m looking forward to at home. Right now I’m ignoring my emotions, so I don’t wanna think about everything I left in Rennes. I’ll start with things I’m looking forward to at home.
- My mom, my dogs, my best friend, and everyone else. I’m thankful that I got to see my dad and step-mom in April, but goddamn I want a hug from my mom, and I want to cuddle with my dogs, and really it’s Tessa, so obviously I always want to hang out with her. My sister is coming home this summer, and I’m going to see and spend time with all of my grandparents, and all of my friends at home. Yeah, I guess I’m excited for that.
- Silly’s. Peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Coconut milk ice cream. Yerba Mate. Iced Mocha Chai. Bagels covered in peanut butter. Actually spicy food, like the kind that makes my tongue burn and eyes water. Lemonade. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Foooood.
- The ease of always communicating in my mother language (aka English). It’s way less stressful and requires less effort, which takes a lot of the challenge out of everyday life.
- This may sound odd to some people, but I really like my summer job at Whole Foods, and I’m looking forward to going back to it. Yeah, the paycheck is a wonderful plus, but I also like my coworkers, and the company itself, so I’m looking forward to another season with them.
- This one I could have done in Rennes, but didn’t – pilates, yoga, biking, etc. I blame the extremely squeaky floor in my room that made me too self-conscious and annoyed to really get into pilates, and I didn’t have a bike in Rennes, so that was a no go. Summers are always when I exercise the most, and I’m definitely looking forward to it. (Also I’m going to say that getting a massage goes in this category)
5 Things I’ll miss:
- All the phenomenal people who have changed my life throughout this semester. My host family, my CIEE friends, my CIREFE friends, I’m gonna miss you all more than I know how to say – even though it’s just à la prochaine, not adieu.
- Baguettes. Croissants. Cidre, Wine, Champagne (and legal alcohol in general). Pains au chocolat. Kouign Amann. Galettes avec chèvre et miel (honey and goat cheese). That weird oil/hot sauce for pizzas. French pizzas. And so much more that I can’t think of. Fooooood.
- The challenge of communicating in French most of the time, and how that has forced me to improve my French. It’s like a brainteaser every time you place an order or ask a question. Yes, it can be stressful, but nothing beats the feeling of satisfaction when you know that you conjugated your verbs and organized your sentence perfectly.
- The lack of any pressure surrounding grades. Here, I just had to pass my classes, which I know I did. At home, because of scholarships and an annoying voice in the back of my mind, I have to get straight As, or I’m not happy with myself. It has been so liberating to not really care about my grades, because ever since sixth grade I’ve been concerned (to various levels) about my grades. Here, I focused more on having fun and not missing out on any opportunities, which made for a much better time abroad.
- Rennes, la Bretagne, and France. My little corner of France, full of regional pride, international students of all ages, beautiful parks, islands, and sites, yeah, there’s no way in hell I can really say goodbye to it, only see ya later.
To those of you gave me money so that I could afford my trip, and to those of you who supported me through this process, thank you, thank you, thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you, and, looking back, this is one of, if not the most important semester of my life.
Thank you.
A la prochaine fois,
Evelyn